The slow news summer has finally concluded, meaningful hockey is around the corner, and it’s time to catch up on the offseason activities. Let’s dive into the peculiarities by activating the reliable Bizarro-meter to evaluate which teams experienced the most unusual summers.
If you’ve been following this tradition for years, possibly dating back to the original Leafs-only test run during the notorious David Clarkson offseason, you likely know the drill and can skip ahead to the rankings. For newcomers, please take note of this essential clarification: “Bizarre” doesn’t always imply “bad.” Teams can make unusual moves that turn out to be highly successful. Conversely, teams frequently take the expected route and end up wishing they had taken more risks. At Bizarro-meter Industries, we remain neutral regarding good or bad; our focus is solely on the weirdness factor.
As always, we’ll break this down into two parts by conference. Today, we start with the East, while the West will be covered tomorrow. Let’s begin with the Atlantic Division.
Atlantic Division
Florida Panthers
The offseason so far: They have maintained a low profile. What led these players to believe they were already set?
But their strangest story was: Allowing the Sam Reinhart unrestricted free agent saga to extend until the final moments, only to sign him to an agreement that everyone deemed acceptable.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 2.7/10. A strong team remains strong; stay tuned for updates on this distinctive unfolding story.
Detroit Red Wings
The offseason so far: it’s been a repeat of the same offseason strategy Steve Yzerman has employed in recent years, as the Wings acquired several intriguing players without making any moves that suggested a significant leap forward.
But their strangest story was: Finalizing the deals for Lucas Raymond and Moritz Seider, albeit only in the last few days. Both contracts were reasonable and may even be considered bargains, indicating Yzerman’s savvy handling.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 3.8/10. Pour one out for the theory that Seider’s agent was biding time to seek revenge against Yzerman and the Wings. Nonetheless, the Yzerplan continues onward.
Ottawa Senators
The offseason so far: While they didn’t receive much in return for Jakob Chychrun, they also didn’t give up much for Linus Ullmark, which felt more significant. Additionally, they appointed Travis Green as head coach, a decision that initially didn’t sit well with fans but is slowly gaining acceptance. Progress, albeit modest, is being made on the endless arena saga.
But their strangest story was: It seems they’re willing to hire just about anyone for the vice president of communications position.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.1/10. There was a time when the Senators were the kings of the Bizarro-meter, but those days may now be behind them with new competent ownership and management.
Toronto Maple Leafs
The offseason so far: Following a dramatic pledge that “everything is on the table” after yet another early playoff exit, the Leafs essentially had their usual offseason, adding some veteran unrestricted free agent depth to their core. At least they brought on Craig Berube, a decision that may or may not have been leaked on live television.
But their strangest story was: Possibly the UFA signing of Jani Hakanpää, which gained wide attention but then turned out <a href="https://
The situation involving the Toronto Maple Leafs was initially considered not to have happened, but it ultimately did materialize. The most significant event was Rogers purchasing Bell, gaining control of MLSE, which instilled a sense of panic in every Leafs supporter who also roots for the Blue Jays.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.5/10. Remaining unchanged after an early playoff exit would be quite unusual in many locations, though not in Toronto, where even a straightforward captaincy change seems to take three months.
Montreal Canadiens
The offseason so far: As a rebuilding organization advocating patience, the Canadiens mostly maintained their course. However, mid-August brought a surprising blockbuster transaction.
But their strangest story was: The acquisition of Patrik Laine, which entailed absorbing his full salary for the next two years. This represents a costly gamble, but it comes with considerable potential.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.6/10. In terms of draft picks, prospects, and players, the Habs didn’t truly sacrifice much for Laine. If he can regain his scoring ability, he may provide the momentum needed for the team to approach playoff contention.
Buffalo Sabres
The offseason so far: The most notable news involved the hiring of Lindy Ruff. On the roster side, the buyout of Jeff Skinner opened up substantial cap space for a franchise seeking to progress.
But their strangest story was: The team not utilizing that cap space on any major acquisitions. They traded Matthew Savoie for Ryan McLeod and welcomed Jason Zucker, yet Kevyn Adams appears committed to a gradual approach.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 5.8/10. Nostalgic hires often fall flat, but at least this one sparked an amusing tweet:
I was 9 years old when Lindy Ruff was hired. I’m 24 and he’s been fired. It was necessary but please, somebody hold me. #emotional
— B🥂 (@BLMC88) February 20, 2013
Boston Bruins
The offseason so far: The Bruins retained their core players and even secured what could become one of the offseason’s significant UFA signings in Elias Lindholm.
But their strangest story was: The absence of a contract for Jeremy Swayman, the RFA goalie. His lack of agreement means he will not be at camp. Although there’s still time for a resolution, it doesn’t bode well that GM Don Sweeney has already referenced December 1. Could there still be residual resentment from last year’s arbitration? Perhaps not, but it’s a compelling storyline to explore.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 7.8/10. Extra points for assuming Joonas Korpisalo’s contract in the Ullmark trade with Ottawa, a trade-off I still find perplexing.
Tampa Bay Lightning
The offseason so far: Even while being strapped against the cap, they managed to sign Jake Guentzel, arguably the top UFA available.
But their strangest story was: They had that room because they
let franchise icon Steven Stamkos leave. Despite a season filled with speculation about this possibility, many remained skeptical, particularly after the Mikhail Sergachev trade at the draft. Yet, here we are.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 8.2/10. While it may indeed be the right decision, witnessing Stamkos in a different uniform after 16 years feels quite strange.
Metro Division
Columbus Blue Jackets
The offseason so far: With a new GM and coach onboard, they executed a significant trade that sent Patrik Laine to Montreal. However, all of this has been overshadowed by an unimaginable tragedy, one from which the team is still recovering.
Bizarro-meter ranking: None. This discussion is all in jest, but surely you can understand why we won’t attempt to contextualize a difficult summer for the Blue Jackets in this way.
New Jersey Devils
The offseason so far: They finally secured their goaltender, as the much-anticipated Jacob Markström trade finally materialized. Coupled with their additional signings, including Brett Pesce, the Devils appear significantly stronger on paper than the team that underperformed last season.
But their strangest story was: The hiring of Sheldon Keefe right after his departure from Toronto. Keefe is a competent coach deserving of another opportunity in the league, but witnessing him being hired almost immediately was somewhat unexpected.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.2/10. It’s intriguing to observe the Devils re-emerging as a popular pick for the Cup after last season’s disappointing performance.
New York Islanders
The offseason so far: Relatively quiet, with no significant trades and Anthony Duclair being their main addition. The strategy for improvement seemed centered around Ilya Sorokin regaining his form, only to reveal he underwent offseason surgery.
But their strangest story was: The potential exit of Cal Clutterbuck and possibly Matt Martin signifies the end of hockey’s most renowned fourth line, making it peculiar to imagine the Islanders without them.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.6/10. You might anticipate more activity from Lou Lamoriello, yet making modest enhancements to an underrated playoff team is certainly not a poor way to spend a summer.
It’s the end of an era on Long Island with Matt Martin and Cal Clutterbuck departing.
Pittsburgh Penguins
The offseason so far: Reilly Smith is out, Kevin Hayes is in, and rumors of Kris Letang requesting a trade were quickly dismissed, along with an exciting prospect trade. However, all of this was eclipsed by the prolonged anticipation for a Sidney Crosby extension.
But their strangest story was: The discussions about Crosby dragged throughout the summer, even past the anticipated August 7 deadline. It stretched on long enough to spark genuine trade rumors, which always seemed utterly unlikely. Ultimately, the deal was finalized, allowing us to breathe easy … at least for the time being.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 5.87/10. Find someone who adores you as much as Sidney Crosby adores forgoing millions due to his affinity for a specific number.
New York Rangers
The offseason so far: Heading into summer, the Rangers appeared poised for significant changes. Chris Drury had a lengthy to-do list, which seemed to encompass an extension for Igor Shesterkin, a trade involving Jacob Trouba, and the addition of some top-six talent, along with the possibility of relocating Kakko Kaapo. Yet, none of those move materialized, and Reilly Smith turned out to be the offseason’s most notable acquisition.
But their strangest story was: Apart from a hint of mild Barclay Goodrow waiver drama, the real peculiar narrative revolved around the Trouba trade saga, which involved a fluctuating no-trade clause and family matters, ultimately ending without any conclusion, as it seems it was largely fabricated by the media. Oh, and we also discovered that he’s an artist.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 6.2/10. This is a scenario where a surprisingly quiet offseason feels odd given the high expectations that preceded the summer.
Carolina Hurricanes
The offseason so far: On the ice, the team lost Guentzel and Pesce but retained Martin Necas and Seth Jarvis. Off the ice, Eric Tulsky was promoted to GM, and Rod Brind’Amour received an extension.
But their strangest story was: Jarvis and his deferred payments presented a puzzling situation that initially seemed like a groundbreaking salary cap loophole but now appears less significant. It remains interesting to witness a team (and player) being inventive with contract structures, even if this situation wasn’t quite as shocking as it once seemed.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 6.5/10. With Tulsky also hiring Tyler Dellow, we’re just a fake rumor generator and a parody Twitter account from having a Twitter feed from 2012 essentially guiding a Stanley Cup contender.
Philadelphia Flyers
The offseason so far: The main headline is Matvei Michkov, who is set to debut this season despite earlier concerns that the team might have to wait several years after selecting him in 2023. Besides this, there haven’t been many additions.
But their strangest story was: Ryan Johansen’s alleged contract violation remains perplexing. The specifics of his supposed actions are unclear, but they likely relate to an enigmatic hip injury. Currently, there are conflicting reports on whether the contract termination is official. This situation has the potential to escalate, particularly when the NHLPA gets involved.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 7.4/10. I awarded extra points for the bizarre subplot involving Jay Woodcroft .
randomly appearing last week for reasons that remained unclear to most.
Washington Capitals
Overview of the offseason so far: They have been active, acquiring Chychrun, Logan Thompson, and Andrew Mangiapane through trades. Remarkably, they also brought in a new GM, which I just recalled. However, the headline move was Pierre-Luc Dubois; the Caps opted to take on the challenge of rehabilitating him. With that hefty contract, they certainly have their fingers crossed.
Yet, the oddest development was: Their purchase of CapFriendly, a peculiar transaction that might provide them some benefits but has left others feeling irritated.
Bizarro-meter rating: 8.2/10. Frankly, I believe this commenter had a point:
The Capitals acquired CapFriendly so that no one could poke fun at Pierre-Luc Dubois’ contract.
— Ryan Gilbert (@RGilbertSOP) June 19, 2024
(Images of Seth Jarvis and Steven Stamkos: Jared C. Tilton and Joel Auerbach / Getty Images)
# Getting Weird: Measuring the Bizarro-meter for NHL Teams After an Unusual Offseason
The NHL offseason has always had its share of surprises, but this year, teams took “weird” to a new level. As franchises adjusted their rosters, fan expectations swayed like the unpredictable nature of a puck bouncing off the boards. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll delve into the Bizarro-meter—a fun way to measure the peculiarity of NHL teams after a particularly unusual offseason.
## What is the Bizarro-meter?
The Bizarro-meter is a whimsical yet insightful scale that rates how odd or unconventional an NHL team’s offseason decisions and strategies have been. A higher score indicates a team engaging in unexpected trades, unusual signings, or unconventional strategies, while a lower score represents a more traditional approach to team-building.
### How to Measure the Bizarro-meter
To evaluate the Bizarro-meter accurately, consider the following criteria:
– **Unconventional Trades**: Did a team trade away key players or make surprising acquisitions?
– **Unexpected Signings**: Were there any signings that caught everyone off-guard?
– **Strange Draft Choices**: Did the team draft players who were considered reaches or surprises?
- **Unique Coaching Changes**: Were there any head coach or management changes that were out of the ordinary?
## Bizarro-meter Scale
| **Bizarro-meter Rating** | **Description** |
|—————————|——————————————————-|
| 0-3 | Traditional Offseason: Standard strategies and moves |
| 4-6 | Moderate Weirdness: A couple of eyebrow-raising moves |
| 7-9 | High Weirdness: Several notable oddities |
| 10 | Ultimate Bizarro: An offseason remembered for its absurdity |
## NHL Teams on the Bizarro-meter
Below, we provide a detailed look at select NHL teams and their respective Bizarro-meter ratings after the unusual offseason.
### 1. **Toronto Maple Leafs** - Bizarro-meter Rating: 8
– **Key Moves**:
– Acquired goalie Matt Murray, raising eyebrows due to his injury history.
– Let go of long-time star forward Jack Campbell, opting for a youth movement in goal.
– **Analysis**: The Leafs took a bold step with their goaltending approach, opting for risk over reliability. Their strategy seems to target a dynamic shift in performance, making them one of the offseason’s most talked-about teams.
### 2. **Chicago Blackhawks** - Bizarro-meter Rating: 9
– **Key Moves**:
– Made a surprising trade for defenseman Seth Jones, giving away a plethora of draft picks.
– Selected Connor Bedard first a move that was expected but still came with immense pressure.
– **Analysis**: The Blackhawks are trying to revitalize their roster quickly while balancing the future. Their extreme focus on immediate impact combined with their willingness to part with draft capital gives them a high Bizarro-meter score.
### 3. **Arizona Coyotes** – Bizarro-meter Rating: 10
– **Key Moves**:
– Acquired a staggering number of draft picks, indicating a long-term rebuild.
– Signed multiple players to short-term contracts, seemingly with the intention to flip them at the trade deadline.
– **Analysis**: The Coyotes went all-in on a bizarre strategy, utilizing the offseason as a means to gather assets. Their approach may defy conventional wisdom, earning them a perfect score on the Bizarro-meter.
### 4. **New York Rangers** - Bizarro-meter Rating: 5
– **Key Moves**:
– Signed free-agent winger Johnny Gaudreau, a surprising choice given their existing roster depth.
– Traded a solid prospect for an aging player, which raised some eyebrows.
– **Analysis**: While the Rangers made some unconventional moves, they also maintained a semblance of traditional team-building. Their offseason was mixed—some weirdness, but not overly so.
## Benefits of Understanding the Bizarro-meter
### For Fans:
– **Enhanced Understanding**: Fans gain insight into their team’s strategies and decisions.
– **Engaged Discussions**: It creates a talking point among fans, sparking debates about team direction.
### For Analysts:
– **Predictive Analysis**: Analysts can better forecast team performances based on offseason moves.
- **Trend Watching**: Identifying unusual trends can lead to deeper analyses of team strategies and league dynamics.
## Practical Tips for Following the Bizarro-meter
– **Stay Informed**: Follow reliable sports news sources and insider reports to track offseason changes.
– **Engage on Social Media**: Platforms like Twitter and Reddit can give real-time updates and fan reactions.
– **Analyze Stats**: Websites like Hockey Reference and Natural Stat Trick can provide analytical insights into player performances and team strategies.
## Case Studies: Teams to Watch Post-Offseason
| **Team** | **Bizarro-meter Rating** | **Key Factors** | **Projected Outcome** |
|————————-|————————–|————————————————-|——————————|
| Toronto Maple Leafs | 8 | Bold goalie move, youth movement | Potential playoff push |
| Chicago Blackhawks | 9 | All-in for immediate impact | Rebuilding with urgency |
| Arizona Coyotes | 10 | Asset gathering, trade deadline strategy | Long-term rebuilding process |
| New York Rangers | 5 | Mixed bag of moves, solid core remains | Competitive playoff run |
## First-Hand Experience: Fan Reactions
Fan reactions to unconventional offseason moves can be mixed. Here’s how some NHL fans have reacted to their teams’ Bizarro-meter ratings:
– **Toronto Maple Leafs** fans expressed excitement but also concern regarding the risk associated with their new goaltending situation.
– **Chicago Blackhawks** supporters are hopeful but anxious about the cost of their trade for Seth Jones, given the potential long-term implications.
– **Arizona Coyotes** fans seem to embrace the rebuild, understanding the necessity for a fresh start, albeit with some impatience for immediate results.
## Conclusion
By measuring the Bizarro-meter, fans and analysts alike can gain a clearer perspective on the oddities of the NHL offseason. While the Bizarro-meter is a fun and engaging tool, it also serves as a valuable resource for understanding the dynamics of team-building in one of the most unpredictable sports leagues. Whether your team has embraced the weird or opted for a traditional approach, one thing is certain: the 2023 NHL season promises to be anything but ordinary.
