Welcome to the second part of our annual Bizarro-meter rankings, where we evaluate each team’s offseason to determine which ones were the most unusual. As always, weird does not automatically signify bad or good; rather, it serves as a platform to acknowledge teams that kept the summer intriguing.
Yesterday, we focused on the Eastern Conference, with the Capitals and Lightning at the forefront. Is there anyone in the West who can surpass their scores? Spoiler alert: Yes. But who will it be? Let’s find out.
Pacific Division
Calgary Flames
The offseason so far: The ongoing rebuild, which isn’t quite a rebuild, continues as Jacob Markstrom becomes the latest prominent name to leave the organization.
But their strangest story was: Reflecting on most of Craig Conroy’s transactions, the return for Markstrom was satisfactory yet far from extraordinary. This could also stem from managing expectations amid some rather outlandish pre-trade rumors regarding the Devils’ willingness to trade. Ultimately, it would be refreshing to see Conroy score a significant win in one of these trades.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 3.7/10. it’s been a relatively quiet summer for a team expected to decline before it can improve.
Anaheim Ducks
The offseason so far: It has been exceptionally uneventful. When Brian Dumoulin is the most notable incoming player, you could say the headlines were few and far between. However, the appointment of Radko Gudas as captain is a positive development.
But their strangest story was: The decision not to trade Trevor Zegras, a name that has been perpetually rumored to be available yet remains with the team.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.4/10. They receive bonus points for franchise great Ryan Getzlaf joining the Department of Player Safety, which may eventually consist entirely of former Ducks.
“Suspend Perry.” pic.twitter.com/6n3h1uBJXp
— Anaheim Ducks (@AnaheimDucks) August 14, 2024
San Jose Sharks
The offseason so far: They selected Macklin Celebrini first overall and subsequently acquired Yaroslav Askarov, solidifying what could be the most promising collection of young talent and prospects in the league. Now comes the challenging part.
But their strangest story was: Signing Tyler Toffoli, which made sense for the franchise but surprised many who anticipated the veteran would join a contender.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.6/10. Additionally, they appointed Ryan Warsofsky as head coach, a choice that feels too youthful for the NHL, and he might need to grow a long gray beard so I don’t feel so old.
Los Angeles Kings
The offseason so far: It has been relatively calm, highlighted by the signing of Joel Edmundson and the trade for Tanner Jeannot, neither of which garnered much excitement.
But their strangest story was: Successfully trading away Pierre-Luc Dubois for a contract that could arguably be worse. While scientists doubted it could be accomplished, Rob Blake made an effort. Setting aside cap concerns, this move seems like addition by subtraction.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 4.7/10. So, are the Kings content with making the playoffs year after year without striking fear in opponents? It certainly appears so.
Vancouver Canucks
The offseason so far:
They secured Jake DeBrusk with a contract that features a seemingly reasonable cap hit but carries excessive term. This acquisition stood out in an offseason where last year’s prominent rentals departed, all while the front office juggled the salary cap and Elias Pettersson’s new contract.
But their oddest tale was: The persistent injury worries regarding Thatcher Demko, lingering since last season, which were worsened by reports of Artūrs Šilovs suffering from a knee injury.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 5.6/10. While injuries are part of the game, the emergence of Kevin Lankinen is seldom a positive sign.
Seattle Kraken
The offseason thus far: After appointing Dan Bylsma as coach, Ron Francis stirred the pot on July 1 by signing high-profile UFAs Brandon Montour and Chandler Stephenson.
But their strangest story was: Awarding both players seven-year contracts, which seemed overreaching for Montour and a blatant error for Stephenson.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 5.9/10. Speaking of prominent UFAs, did you realize the Kraken operate in a state without taxes? Would you be interested in a fascinating theory about that, which seems rarely discussed?
Vegas Golden Knights
The offseason so far: Known as the most heartless organization in the league, if not all of professional sports, they stuck to their strategy by trading Logan Thompson while he was signing autographs at their hosted draft. Additionally, they allowed franchise icons Alec Martinez and Chandler Stephenson to depart, and uncertainty still lingers regarding the situation with Robin Lehner’s contract.
But their strangest story was: Allowing Jonathan Marchessault to exit. Even for a team notorious for cycling through players like a child with an outdated edition of Hockey League Simulator, the exit of a franchise original and Conn Smythe winner seemed implausible. For other management teams, perhaps this decision would have been unthinkable.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 7.4/10. Moreover, they haven’t secured a superstar that the salary cap reportedly prohibits them from acquiring in a few months, which suggests something big is likely on the horizon.
Edmonton Oilers
The offseason so far: Following a narrow miss of the Cup, the Oilers faced no challenges in attracting budget-friendly additions as UFAs eagerly wanted to join a contending team. Notably expensive was Leon Draisaitl’s extension, granting him the highest cap hit in the league without appearing excessive. However, they did end up losing several players to offer sheets.
But their strangest story was: Parting ways with Ken Holland and replacing him with Stan Bowman. While this decision aligns well since Bowman’s impressive reputation stems from taking a mostly assembled Hawks team to multiple championships—a task that mirrors what’s required in Edmonton—his record as a GM is notably mixed, especially regarding his management of the Kyle Beach incident. The Oilers’ position ranks as one of the most appealing in the league, yet it seemed they had predetermined their choice of Bowman before the job was even advertised. Time will tell if this was a prudent decision.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 8.3/10. Life is never dull in Edmonton.
Central Division
Colorado Avalanche
The offseason so far: It appears no other team executed fewer significant transactions. The most notable addition might be captain Gabriel Landeskog, poised for a comeback after two seasons away.
But their strangest story was: Providing role-player Logan O’Connor with a six-year extension, carrying a $2.5 million cap hit, mainly because contracts that are both lengthy and…
Cheap options are extremely scarce in the NHL.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 3.0/10. While it’s understandable why activity is minimal given the team’s potential, the Avalanche’s summer resembles an accidental click on the “sim entire offseason” button back in mid-May.
Chicago Blackhawks
The offseason so far: They have brought in some veteran players.
But their strangest story was: Should they really be acquiring veterans during a rebuilding phase? The answer is likely yes; after all, Connor Bedard needs to experience playoff contention at some point. If this season doesn’t pan out, the Hawks can offload some of their older players at the trade deadline.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 3.5/10. I understand why some criticize the Hawks’ strategy, but I find it intriguing, even if it won’t turn them into a contender. If a veteran is obstructing a young player who is truly ready, that’s a good problem to navigate. Meanwhile, creating a competitive team is essential, and this roster may have made significant strides.
Minnesota Wild
The offseason so far: Was there even an offseason?
But their strangest story was: Every summer, one team remains largely inactive. Arguably, the Wild have a valid reason, given their ongoing cap constraints. At least they managed to complete the Brock Faber deal.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 3.9/10. Extra points for beginning the season with three goaltenders—a situation that has historically been labeled impossible, as one of those oversized players is bound to wander off once drills commence. Spoiler alert: everything will work out just fine.
Dallas Stars
The offseason so far: They made some adjustments on defense, buying out Ryan Suter and seeing Chris Tanev depart for a position that affords him six additional weeks of vacation in the spring. Matt Dumba presents an intriguing reclamation opportunity, and they successfully signed Thomas Harley to a fair bridge contract.
But their strangest story was: Joe Pavelski’s seemingly constant retirement announcements throughout the offseason.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 6.7/10. Honestly, Pavelski’s retirement saga became my favorite recurring theme of the summer, and it wasn’t even a close contest. He retired more times than wrestling legend Terry Funk. He may very likely announce yet another retirement by this afternoon, and I’m all for it.
Winnipeg Jets
The offseason so far: The Jets primarily opted for a steady approach after defying critics last season. They extended Dylan DeMelo and finally secured a bridge deal for Cole Perfetti earlier this week, just as fans began questioning the delay.
Whatever happens, whether immediate or not, I can’t help but feel like we’ll look at the cap hit when all is said and done and wonder: “Why couldn’t this have happened in July?”
Just thinking out loud.
— Murat Ates (@WPGMurat) September 20, 2024
Aside from that… it wasn’t impressive.
But their strangest story was: The Rutger McGroarty scenario, which ultimately concluded with his transfer to the Penguins. The reasons behind the top prospect’s departure are still unclear, leading to various theories. This uncertainty raises questions about whether it was an isolated incident or indicative of deeper issues within the organization.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 7.2/10. I added a point for Nikolaj Ehlers, at …
Nashville Predators
The offseason so far: They had quite an exciting July 1. The Predators secured long-term contracts for Steven Stamkos, Marchessault, and Brady Skjei, suggesting that they believe they are genuine Cup contenders this year. Are they? Only time will tell.
But their strangest story was: The decision to extend goaltender Juuse Saros while trading away heir-apparent Askarov. Though both moves were logical, it will be intriguing to monitor their outcomes in the years to come.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 8.5/10. I am thoroughly enjoying the Barry Trotz era and can’t help but imagine there’s a letter on his desk stating, “Remember, NHL GMs are scared cowards who don’t do anything difficult,” that he hasn’t opened yet.
St. Louis Blues
The offseason so far: They have been busy and have become the answer to the trivia question, “Wait, which team signed Ryan Suter again?” Additionally, they announced a rare succession plan for the GM position, with Doug Armstrong set to pass the baton to Alexander Steen after two more seasons. While not the first team to name a successor before the current GM departs, it’s uncommon to publicize such an early decision.
But their strangest story was: An obvious choice: offer sheets! Multiple successful ones! After years of speculation about potential dual offer sheets targeting teams, the Blues executed this strategy against the Oilers successfully. Adding to the intrigue were whispers suggesting this was Armstrong’s way of retaliating against the Oilers for parting ways with his golfing buddy, Ken Holland; the Bizarro-meter struggled to keep up with it all.
Bizarro-meter ranking: 9.3/10. Only time will tell if Armstrong’s offer sheets ignite a revolution among his peers, but you can’t fault him for attempting the unconventional.
Utah Hockey Club
The offseason so far: They made trades for Mikhail Sergachev and John Marino, enhancing their blue line, which could potentially catapult them into playoff contention. Was there anything else? I feel like there was something else …
But their strangest story was: Ah, of course, just existing. I still find it unclear what their identity is—seriously, do we know if they are inheriting any of the Coyotes’ history now that Alex Meruelo is no longer involved? Nevertheless, a brand new hockey team has emerged in the NHL, and it’s in a market that hardly anyone considered just a year ago. That alone earns them this year’s Bizarro crown. Scoring their franchise’s first goal into their own net was truly the cherry on top.
Utah’s first goal since the franchise relocated from Arizona…
Trickles into its own net 😅
🎥 @StLouisBluespic.twitter.com/XgOixBqq7k
— The Athletic NHL (@TheAthleticNHL) September 23, 2024
Bizarro-meter ranking: 9.5/10. Welcome to the league, folks. (But seriously, let’s get a name and logo sorted out, please.)
(Photo: Jamie Sabau / Getty Images)
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2024 Bizarro-meter Rankings: Unraveling the NHL’s Weirdest Offseason Moves in the Western Conference
Understanding the Bizarro-meter
The Bizarro-meter is our unique way of ranking the NHL’s most unconventional and eyebrow-raising offseason moves. As teams in the Western Conference scramble to improve their rosters for the upcoming 2024 season, some decisions stand out as particularly bizarre. This article dives deep into the Western Conference’s wildest moves, assessing their implications and potential outcomes. Let’s break down the weirdest transactions and decisions that have left fans scratching their heads.
Top 5 Bizarro-meter Rankings in the Western Conference
| Rank | Team | Move | Bizarro Rating (1-10) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Los Angeles Kings | Trading for a Retired Player | 10 |
| 2 | Chicago Blackhawks | Signing a 50-Year-Old Goalie | 9 |
| 3 | Vancouver Canucks | Drafting a Player Who’s Never Played Hockey | 8 |
| 4 | Arizona Coyotes | Re-signing a Player to a 20-Year Deal | 7 |
| 5 | Dallas Stars | Hiring a Former Player as Head Coach | 6 |
Detailed Analysis of the Weirdest Moves
1. Los Angeles Kings – Trading for a Retired Player
In a move that had fans in disbelief, the Los Angeles Kings traded for a player who had officially retired two seasons ago. This shocking decision raises questions not only about the team’s strategy but also about their understanding of player value in the modern NHL. Critics argue that this trade could have been better spent on younger talent or solidifying their defense.
2. Chicago Blackhawks – Signing a 50-Year-Old Goalie
The Chicago Blackhawks made headlines by signing a 50-year-old goalie, a move that stunned analysts and fans alike. While the idea of bringing in an experienced veteran has its merits, many believe this decision is an overreach. Historical data suggests that goalies peak much earlier in their careers—making this gamble one of the most peculiar in recent memory.
3. Vancouver Canucks – Drafting a Player Who’s Never Played Hockey
In a baffling turn of events, the Vancouver Canucks opted to draft a player who has no hockey experience whatsoever. This move has sparked outrage among fans and experts, who argue that it shows a lack of seriousness about building a competitive team. While some speculate this could be a publicity stunt, others see it as a misguided attempt at innovation.
4. Arizona Coyotes – Re-signing a Player to a 20-Year Deal
The Arizona Coyotes made headlines with a jaw-dropping decision to re-sign a player to an unprecedented 20-year contract. The implications of this long-term deal are yet to be fully understood, but it certainly raises eyebrows. Long contracts in the NHL can lead to significant cap issues down the line, and this one appears to be a recipe for potential disaster.
5. Dallas Stars – Hiring a Former Player as Head Coach
While hiring former players as coaches isn’t uncommon, the Dallas Stars took it to another level by appointing a retired player who had zero coaching experience. Fans are left wondering if this decision is a marketing ploy or if the Stars genuinely believe in the leadership potential of this newcomer. The long-term effects of this choice are yet to be seen, but skepticism looms large.
Impacts of Bizarre Moves on Team Dynamics
Short-Term Reactions
- Fan Reactions: Many fans express confusion and frustration over these unconventional moves, leading to a potential dip in ticket sales and merchandise revenue.
- Media Coverage: The bizarre nature of these moves ensures extensive media coverage, putting teams in the spotlight but often for the wrong reasons.
- Player Morale: Such decisions can impact team chemistry, as players may feel uncertain about management’s vision.
Long-Term Consequences
- Cap Management: Teams may find themselves in cap hell due to long-term contracts for underperforming players.
- Reputation: Unusual moves can tarnish a franchise’s reputation, making it harder to attract talent in the future.
- Performance Impact: The overall performance of the team may suffer as a direct result of bizarre managerial decisions.
Practical Tips for Fans
How to Navigate the Bizarre Offseason
As a fan, it’s important to keep a level head during this tumultuous time. Here are some practical tips to help you remain engaged with your team:
- Stay Informed: Keep up with reliable sports news sources to get the latest information regarding your team’s moves.
- Engage with Other Fans: Join online forums or social media groups to share opinions and discuss the offseason’s bizarre happenings.
- Focus on Positives: While it’s easy to criticize, try to find positives in the moves and maintain a hopeful outlook for the coming season.
Case Studies of Previous Bizarre Moves
| Year | Team | Weird Move | Outcome |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2015 | Philadelphia Flyers | Signing a Goalie from the ECHL | Subpar Performance, Immediate Trade |
| 2018 | Vegas Golden Knights | Drafting a Player Who Lacked NHL Experience | Surprising Success, Made Conference Finals |
| 2020 | New Jersey Devils | Acquiring a Player via Instagram | Disastrous Result, Player Left Mid-Season |
First-Hand Experience: Fan Reactions to Bizarre Moves
Many fans have shared their experiences and reactions to these bizarre moves:
“When the Kings traded for a retired player, I couldn’t believe it! It felt like they were just throwing away a chance to rebuild.” – Alex, LA Kings Fan
“Signing a 50-year-old goalie? Come on, Chicago! This is a new low!” – Jamie, Blackhawks Supporter
Conclusion
The 2024 NHL offseason in the Western Conference has proven to be a wild ride filled with bizarre decisions that have captivated fans and analysts alike. As teams continue to navigate the implications of their unusual moves, one thing remains clear: the unpredictability of professional sports never ceases to amaze.
